phantomrose96:

phantomrose96:

When pet owners talk about their pets it’s guaranteed to fall under one of two categories:

• Rover is the sweetest kindest force in my life, my closest ally, my best friend, the family member who molded me as a person who I would absolutely lay down my life for. Please let me show you photos of this perfection incarnate.
  
• Socks is on double secret baby probation now and she’s gated in the living room because she wont stop sneaking out and trying to eat all the towels in the house, like the bastard idiot child she is.

I would like to clarify this is not a “which type of pet owner are you” post. There is no choosing. Pet owners are both of these, all the time, forever. It’s a matter of which one is the conversation topic of the day, and the outcome depends entirely upon how recently their pet tried to eat plastic

avipsyche:

i wish british accents were real and weren’t just invented for the ppcu (peppa pig cinematic universe)

4a0000:

Frank ocean yelling at me “god gave you what you could handle”

lmaonade:

me: *walking*

my cat: i am going to run in front of you. i am going to sprint in front of you so fast mid step and you are going to punt me into the sun

me: okay sir yes sir 

memelordtrashking:

lucentgallivanter:

me: i love you but please, please do not step on my keyboard. go a foot out of your way and go around

my lovable yet ungrateful cat, a troublegirl and a fiend: you could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature 

fuckin raw line

lovelinessbones:

Science: it takes 3,500 calories to gain a pound

My ed: it takes 600 calories to gain 5 pounds

My body: it takes -35 calories to gain 2 pounds

fairycosmos:

i’m just a bitch with bad posture and an irregular sleeping schedule 

animatedmovie:

me @ those black figures in the corner of my eye at my house that disappear when i turn in that direction: i know you’re there bitch

garashirs:

garashirs:

the only genuinely funny people on this bitch of an earth are either eldest siblings, people with bastard dads, or gays

if you’re all three, you’re more powerful than any of the rest of us will ever be

inabasket:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.